To Know Yourself


My mother always said and continues to say how everyone is their own best advocate. No one knows their body’s fullest potiental and possible limits better than yourself; however, to know yourself takes time.  To be honest with you, I’m still learning how to know myself and I firmly believe that it’s a lifelong process that might never be fully completed- and that’s okay! It’s human nature to be naturally curious and not an all knowing person anyways…

When I took two Human Anatomy and Physiology courses, my teacher encouraged me to become a nurse after I told her I was majoring in Psychology. She thought I was in the Pre-Med field because I was applying what she called “real life” applications and thought processes to what the textbook taught. It got to the point in class where she would tell me (yes, in front of everyone…*insert embaressed face here*) not to raise my hand to answer questions because she knew that I understood the material. To add onto matters, my interest in Neuroscience only got stronger when I started reflecting back on my own health after I went back to school for Psychology (I was a subsitute teacher after I got my Associate’s in Early Care and Early Childhood Education for just over a year) and seeing my father’s health decline (Stage Three of Alzheimer’s and a form of Parkinson’s Disease). Sprinkle in being what I call a “secondary caregiver” (my mother is the primary one- she is one hard working woman) to my father and my interest within the Neuroscience field only got more defined.

Let me specify how I’m not implying that I’m an expert on these health related fields. I don’t think I ever will be, for starters, simply because I’m not going to medical school nor do I see it in my future. I am, however, tossing up the idea of getting a health related certification for something down the road. That’s not in my immediate future, but I do know that I will keep on reading, researching, staying up to date on the latest scientific findings, and reviewing what I’ve learned thus far for a very long time. This would not only help educate myself further, but it will aid in maintaing a sense of knowing what doctors are talking about. My mother continues to stun both doctors and nurses alike with how she keeps all my father’s paperwork and info organized in such a way that several ask her if she is a nurse or in the health field of work to which my mother answers “no” to on all accounts.

My mother majored in Business and worked in Manhattan before becoming a stay at home mom shortly before 9/11 happened. She would have died like so many of her other coworkers who kept working. May they rest in peace.

L18

A picture I took of Downtown when at the top of Empire State Building. December 2016.

My father’s health is rapidly declining. I think the appropiate term to use would be “agony” to describe the days. You have to keep a level head no matter how awful bad days might get. Surround yourself with your favorite music, movies, and other healthy outlets when it gets too rough. Have faith and trust that it will all work out. Besides, what else could you do? Sulking isn’t going to make the person you love better and in all honesty, it’s a point where nothing will. We’re just making him comfortable now. Right now we’re at the mercy of conflicting doctors. To some doctors, my father is a statistic. To me, my father is not one to mess around with. To the world in general, my father is just another one to find several cures for. To himself, he is “burden” that needs constant care and looking out after. Personally, my father is the strongest man I know. He isn’t giving up no matter what other issue they find wrong with him. He is hanging onto life second by second, minute by minute, and doctor appointment by doctor appointment.

To know yourself takes time and just when you think you’ve reached a plataeu- BAM! Life throws you a curveball and you’re left finding out you had more layers in you than the surplus of layers you’ve already peeled off yourself. For me, I’ve noticed three main layers I’ve come to. I’m stronger mentally, sharpened up my protectiveness when it comes to my family, and can have a mouth on me that REALLY brings out my southern Italian heritage side. I was always the one who would (and did) take the coat off my back to give to someone else. I would put my feelings aside in order to make someone else feel better. Don’t get me wrong though…I still do just not to that extent anymore. I’ve realized that some people have layers that differ significantly from what you would expect those layers to be. Some who I thought would come through… didn’t. Some I thought  would understand and at least show a little empathy…didn’t. Some that I thought woudl at least show one-fifth of what I did to them…didn’t. I understand how people deal with obstacles in different ways, but there has to come a point where you say “enough” and start to not put up with certain people. Perhaps you need to take a week or so break from contact. Perhaps you need to be upfront with the person (s) and tell them how you feel and your reasoning for feeling that way. Perhaps you will just wait and see what they do when all comes homes to roost.

Sickness dosen’t just mess with the person who is sick. Sickness gets into each and every person’s life who is involved. Sickness takes what you think you know about a person and turns it into something else in its entirety. I thank each and every person who has helped and continue to reach out to my family with a grateful heart. I also keep good faith that those who didn’t never experience the feeling of knowing someone else’s layers because just when you think you know yourself and others………………~

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