Ageless

In a society where there is a plenitude of life’s expectations and goals that most people try to abide by, to what extent should these presumptions cease in their lingering nature? “Ageless” is a post that further discusses the idea that age is but a number. No matter what you’re age is, you can achieve great ventures. You’re life is yours and yours only. There is no certain “right age” to get married, buy your first house, etc. Each person’s life is complex and contrasting enough to create a new journey. No two people have to be the same.

When I was a little girl (pick an age, maybe six or seven?), I honestly thought that at twenty-three years old, I would at least have a steady relationship. Maybe a magnificent sparkly ring on my finger. A good job that I love and lots of money….one can dream, right? I would have never imagined that I would still be at college pursuing my second degree (BA in Psychology), single, and having to go to doctors for checkups a few times a year. As an Aquarius-Pisces cusp, I’ve always been an avid dreamer easily preferring to daydream over anything else. As a person with a speech impairment that got better over the years, writing lyrics and stories was a way to “talk” without stuttering and stammering through a conversation. It was in those writings that I could be anything and anyone. Wouldn’t we all love to go travel Europe on a private jet (ohhh, Italia……)? Of course, it could happen if you work very hard. I’m a firm believer that Walt Disney’s “Dreams do come true” holds some truth to it. After all, if you work hard and don’t give up, there is so much that you can accomplish. Maybe I was caught up in my dream-like world that I forgot to live my life as it was in the moment. As mentioned in my other posts, I knew something was wrong. When I was a twelve year old girl, having told to make a will and pick out a casket, I thought my whole life was shattered. What was to become of me? Through hardships and obstacles, I got better. Little did I know, the effects would carry on with me until I finally pass on. Having a heart condition since birth that got worse as I got older, taking heart medication since I was about eighteen years old was something that I never thought I would do. Even now when my heart rate goes to 48 or over 160 bpm while doing no activity, I can’t let it affect me that much. If I’m always so caught up in my OCD, ADHD, etc., how can I ever live in the moment? It’s not easy, but you have to take a step back and not let it dictate how you’re going to live your life. Why should society be anything different when it comes to your age?

I see my friends getting engaged, in serious relationships, graduating, etc. Then there is me. Still in college, me. It did bother me that I’m lagging behind my closet friends; however, one could only let it get you down for so long. You always a choice to make: Let it affect you or let it empower you. I actually made myself sit down and make a “Pro List” (I avoided the “Cons” all together because why add fuel to the fire?) classifying what I accomplished and am accomplishing at my age. The outcome resulted in a feeling of freedom. As strange as it sounds, it helped get the agonizing thoughts from my head and onto the neutral piece of paper. I sat back (not really, just a figure of speech….it’s more like I hunched over because I have terrible posture) and soaked in all that I accomplished. Here are some achievements I covered:

  • I’m a three time eating disorder survivor in recovery/remission for more than four years! That is amazing and words can’t simply describe the thankfulness for it. A lot of people are still suffering, which is why I spread awareness about it. Your body is your home and you shouldn’t abuse it.
  • I also took into consideration how I helped a young boy with his speech. I was asked to give a speech in front of a fourth grade class to serve as an example for their “One Thing You Don’t Know About Me” essay. I simply discussed how I have a speech impairment and I’m not letting it hold me back. This was when I was getting my Associate’s in Early Care and Early Childhood Education. It was the truth as I had doubts in being accepted in college and in the work force. As I told the class this, we talked about acceptance and letting people know that they’re not alone. A week or so later, the teacher got in touch with me saying how the young boy’s parents thanked her because there was a significant change in their son. He started talking more, playing at recess, and was happier. That feeling was unlike any other.
  •  Despite struggling with OCD, ADHD, etc. (see other posts), I graduated high school AND got an Associate’s Degree! Some days I would come home from high school plunging towards my bed just to cry. I had a few “friends” which were more like acquaintances. I was too preoccupied with my own troubles that I refused to let anyone in. I ate lunch in the bathroom stall my senior year talking to my mother on the phone so I wouldn’t be bored (this was before all the apps…). An overload of more events occurred, but I got through it. I was even a part of a few honor societies and got a scholarship to pay for my Associate’s Degree (I’m not one to boast, but I mentioned that to prove a point)! I was blessed and I didn’t even realize it. I try not to take anything for granted now. After all, there is ALWAYS someone who has it worse than you. On days where I felt hopeless, I would think of children who had cancer and other serious health complications. If they could get through chemo and whatever else was thrown their way, I could get easily get through the hallways. That’s why I try my best not to complain. Who am I to complain when there is a five year old somewhere struggling just to sit up to play with a toy? Those people are stronger than they know.

 Before I turn this into a novel, I will end this post on a quick deduction. Yes, I’m twenty-three and despite the questions asked of me by some elders, I will graduate and be “successful”. I used to regret heading back to school changing majors after working a year and a half in my previous field; however, I do not regret it now. Everything happens for a reason. I used to be in such a rush longing for a relationship. After my first boyfriend and somewhat of a toxic relationship, I realized that I can’t rush into major instances such as finding a serious relationship. Now I know that if my Prince Charming comes (once again, I’m a dreamer) at twenty-five, thirty-five, or even not at all, I need to be happy and healthy first and foremost. I shall make the best out of my wonderful life. After all, age is but a number.

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One response to “Ageless

  1. Very very good Lillian. And I always said age is just a number. You are doing great!!! Take one day at a time and you will accomplish anything u you want to. Remember I met Uncle Fred at the age of 31 all my friends were already married with kids but to be honest it never bothered me because I was living my own life and happy. Your time will come for everything in the mean time be happy with yourself and what u have which is a very loving family believe me some people don’t have that. Most important stay healthy and just keep doing what your doing which is growing up to being a beautiful person. Love you Aunt LuAnn.

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